Arkansas mama's boy wants to join military

Dear Maude
My 18-year old boy wants to join the military. He graduated the seventh grade and he can  read and write real good. He wants to fight for his country and stop fighting with his sisters.  He's the smartest kid in the whole trailer park. But he wants to be a military man. What should I do?
Doris Smith,
Hope, Arkansas


Dear Doris,
Sounds like yer boy would be a good candidate for the USRSF (United States Redneck Special Forces).  The goverment has made up this special group to get on over there in Afghanastan and clean out those dern terrorists once and for all.

The enlistment test is just three multiple choice questions.
They give all the guys in the unit a couple shotguns, an AK-47 and a six pack.
All they tell 'em about terrorists is:

1. it's open season
2. there's no limit
3. they tastes just like chicken
4. they don't like beer, country music, pickup trucks or Jesus
5. they are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhart

It oughta be easy pickins for those USRSF fellas.
Shoot, them boys oughta be home by Christmas.