Diane from Idaho has a water closet problem with hubby

Dear Miss Maude,


I have a serious problem with my husband
when he uses the bathroom.  He never pulls the seat up.
NEVER. 
Even when I'm standing there watching him,
he still pulls up the lid and leaves the seat down. 
He says he forgets and tells me it's no big deal! 
It makes me furious.  I'm the one that has to clean
the darn thing every time I need to use the bathroom. 
Maude, what can I do?
Diane R.
Ketchum, Idaho

Dear Diane,
Velcro.
Alabama Scotch Tape we call it, is the answer
to half the problems in this country.
Without velcro and duct tape half the stuff
in America would be broke all the time.
Your husband ain't no differnt then 99.9 percent
of the fool men in this country.
Theres one thang you might do to try
to discourage him -- blame his sloppy behavior 
on his mama.  That might tick him off just enough
to catch his attention.
No man likes anyone talkin' bad
about his mama. 
Now I don't mean to
just cast some aspersions on her character,
like sayin', "Your mama didn't teach you to
urinate on the seat, did she," or
"Did you learn to be a pig from your mama?"
If you go that far, you might better be someplace
close to a closet or an outside door.
Some fellas gets mighty riled when
you talk about their mama.
But the sure fire solution is velcro. 
All you gotta do is put a one-inch square piece of velcro
on the bottom of the lid right in the front in the center. 
Then, take another one-inch square piece of velcro
and attach it to the seat right in the front
in the center.  Test it to see that the pieces
match in position and will stick when you put them together.
That way when lunkhead staggers in to do his
business and picks up the lid, he'll automatically
pick up the seat with it. And he probably won't even notice.

Now the only inconvenience is when you go to use
the facility you gotta remember to unsnap the velcro
so you can use the seat.  But that's sure a lot less
a bother then cleanin' up the seat ever time you have to use it.
rag the woman,